The case of the shy networker
Most extroverted folks are great at networking events. They're all bubbly, chatty and such. They make us introverted folks cringe sometimes.
Me, an introvert?
Yup, 'fraid so gang. I've always been a bit shy, even way back in the dark ages when I was but a mere kidlet. Yet, I don't have any problem with public speaking - the task that rates higher than death on the "Stressful things to do" list. I'm also the guy who starts up the conversation when nobody else will at a club lunch. Go figure.
How did I deal with being a happy introvert in the business world? Easy. I married an extrovert who also was my business partner. She was (and is) probably one of the best sales people I've ever met. She can still fire up a comfy conversation with anyone.
Then, I got divorced. Ut oh ...
I found myself sitting on the couch in my nifty new apartment one evening after a workday, thinking, "Gee ... what do I do with myself now?" I needed to figure out how I was going to get out there and all chummy with new prospects.
Here's what I did. Odds are, it will work for all you other card-carrying introverts out there, too.
I found the best extrovert I knew and did what he did. I acted "as if." "As if" I was a chatty type and "as if" I was a public speaker. And guess what? It worked. And, it wasn't too tough, either.
Simply acting as if you where a dynamic networking mogul can get you over the hump and learn the skills. When you're in a situation, just think, "What would [insert extrovert du jour] do or say?" Picture your extrovert model person in your seat and just do and say as you believe they would. That might sound like a big lull in the conversation's looming, but not really. Odds are you've seen your model in the same or similar situation and your brain will work pretty quick.
But what if you screw up and say or do something stupid? So what? It's important to remember that everybody does or says something stupid at times. We're all human. I usually try to say something funny and call attention to my idiotic faux pas. We all have a good laugh and move on with things. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously at times.
Here's a case in point. It wasn't a major knee-slapper, but it's stuck in my memory for about 30 years. A good bud of mine, and also a brilliant sales guy, was at the checkout counter at a drugstore with me. He pulled out his wallet and all his dough fell out onto the floor. Without so much as a pregnant pause, he said, "Oh geez, what a vulgar display of wealth." Everybody around cracked up.
After a while it gets easier and soon you find yourself being comfortable in situations that used to terrify you. You might even find you look forward to them.
So, go forth, act "as if" and release the happy extrovert living inside of you.
Me, an introvert?
Yup, 'fraid so gang. I've always been a bit shy, even way back in the dark ages when I was but a mere kidlet. Yet, I don't have any problem with public speaking - the task that rates higher than death on the "Stressful things to do" list. I'm also the guy who starts up the conversation when nobody else will at a club lunch. Go figure.
How did I deal with being a happy introvert in the business world? Easy. I married an extrovert who also was my business partner. She was (and is) probably one of the best sales people I've ever met. She can still fire up a comfy conversation with anyone.
Then, I got divorced. Ut oh ...
I found myself sitting on the couch in my nifty new apartment one evening after a workday, thinking, "Gee ... what do I do with myself now?" I needed to figure out how I was going to get out there and all chummy with new prospects.
Here's what I did. Odds are, it will work for all you other card-carrying introverts out there, too.
I found the best extrovert I knew and did what he did. I acted "as if." "As if" I was a chatty type and "as if" I was a public speaker. And guess what? It worked. And, it wasn't too tough, either.
Simply acting as if you where a dynamic networking mogul can get you over the hump and learn the skills. When you're in a situation, just think, "What would [insert extrovert du jour] do or say?" Picture your extrovert model person in your seat and just do and say as you believe they would. That might sound like a big lull in the conversation's looming, but not really. Odds are you've seen your model in the same or similar situation and your brain will work pretty quick.
But what if you screw up and say or do something stupid? So what? It's important to remember that everybody does or says something stupid at times. We're all human. I usually try to say something funny and call attention to my idiotic faux pas. We all have a good laugh and move on with things. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously at times.
Here's a case in point. It wasn't a major knee-slapper, but it's stuck in my memory for about 30 years. A good bud of mine, and also a brilliant sales guy, was at the checkout counter at a drugstore with me. He pulled out his wallet and all his dough fell out onto the floor. Without so much as a pregnant pause, he said, "Oh geez, what a vulgar display of wealth." Everybody around cracked up.
After a while it gets easier and soon you find yourself being comfortable in situations that used to terrify you. You might even find you look forward to them.
So, go forth, act "as if" and release the happy extrovert living inside of you.
8 Comments:
Oh my gosh, I thought you were describing me!... Always an introvert forcing myself to be extroverted in business situations.
This is a great tip though, I will try to remember it instead of stressing.
Hi Viki,
Seems a lot of us creative types are introverts.I guess it comes with the territory.
It's really easy to get hung up in the "I'll come off like a jerk," type of thinking. Another thing that helps me is thinking, "Will anybody care in a week that I said something stupid? Or a month. A year?
Odds are I might still remember it, but I seriously doubt the other folks will. Unless it was real knee-slapper. Then I end up using as an anecdote somewhere down the road.
You have a great blog. There's so much great information. I am taking many of your suggestions and implementing them into my business. Thank you!
Hi Sultana,
I'm happy to hear you're find this stuff useful. It makes all those keystrokes worthwhile.
Thanks!
All the best,
Neil
Hey...thanks for this article and the site. I have a design biz focused on the same target in a different part of the country and I KNOW I need to be out there "shaking hands and kissing babies," but I am super-shy in these types of situations and would prefer to be at my computer working than at a networking affair.
Hi Queen,
For many of us introverted types, formal “face time” networking might not be the best tool. We can end up shelling out a load of dough for events, memberships and meetings only to find no return on our investment. We either end up not going, or going, but just sitting there with our mouths shut.
So, it’s time to open up the the ‘ole toolbox and dig deep to see what’s in there. Perhaps writing is a good avenue. As a matter of fact, I just added a ditty to my blog about that. Maybe posting on suitable forums and discussion groups is the right direction or direct mail. If you choose the latter though, it’s really important to follow up by phone.
Another great avenue that I’ve often mentioned is getting with your business associate network - writers, photographers, printing reps, etc. for some cross referring. That works great for me.
All the best,
Neil
hi Neil.. but how would I know what my "extravert model" would say or do? does it mean that I have to study those types and then to choose one to model?
Hi Xgeronimo,
That's what I did. I kept an eye on the guy for a while to learn what he did and said. After a bit, I mimiced his behavior to get me started. Then things became part of my behavior down the road.
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